Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone. It has been too long since last I checked in on this blog.  I apologize for the silence.  One of my New Year's Miraculous Maybe's is to return to blogging again.  Part of the reason for my absence was a very uncomfortable pregnancy.  Thankfully that is over and now we have
our wonderful and amazing Sigg.  Here he is...

Here he is again...in a pumpkin *grin*

All of this is really just to say hello and that I'll be back soon.
To a new year filled with possibility!!!!

Love to you all,

Sara

Phases

There are a lot of different phases in life.  I don't think I could name all of mine but some major ones would include: Jr. High, High School, College, Indecisive/Intense/Nomadic i.e., my early 20's, Early marriage, etc. Each phase presents a different set of challenges, joys, decisions, wonderings.

Recently I feel like I'm navigating about ten different phases at once.  There's the Recognizing-I'm-Not-Getting-Any-Younger-Phase, New Mom Phase, Modified Work Phase, Renegotiating Marriage With a Child Phase, Sick Parent Phase, Family Dynamic Phase, Wish I Had More Adult Conversations Phase, Go to Bed at Eight Phase, I think you see what I'm saying.

I keep thinking eventually the volume phases will diminish and I will be able to enjoy, what I would like to have be, the I'm Pretty Stinking Content to Be Here Phase.  But then I have to chuckle because I'm not really wired that way.  I always think about what's next.  What new adventure is coming.  What shift in my life is around the corner.

And I look forward to these future things with often unrealistic hopefulness.  Not because the new phases of life aren't great but because once they arrive I tend to be pondering the possibilities of the next one.  I'm pretty sure this cycle is the key to my perpetual restlessness.

So I'm wondering how to be more comfortable where I'm standing.  I'm trying to figure out how to be at least partially content with not working as much as I think I should be while also not being the most rockin stay at home mom in the world. I'm trying to figure out how to not want to change everything that I can't manipulate while changing the things I want to but don't get around to because I fell asleep putting Aasta down for a nap.  I'm trying to embrace the shifting of my life's expectations while constantly breathing new life into what I expect out of life.

I'm trying to do all of this while remembering that perfection is kind of annoying and mediocrity has it's advantages.  Oh, and to have a sense of humor in the process.

Any suggestions?

*sigh*

What can I say, I miss the view!

Bacon

I just read a blog post about a woman who hasn't eaten meat or meat products in months.  Her opening statement actually said, "I haven't eaten bacon in months."  Which is cool.  I'm all for vegetarian consumption as long as I still get a burger and some hot wings now and again.

That said, this weekend I ate half a package of bacon...by myself.  It was one of the best days of my life and that either means I need to get out more or  I like bacon too much.

A lighter version of me

I've been trying to focus on the lighter version of me.  No, not my weight, just my whole, well...self.  It's so easy to get bogged down in the worries, ponderings, wishes, hopes, disappointments, frustrations, and general downer side of things.  There's a lot of pressure not to to air these parts of ourselves as well so at times I think I linger in rawness just to spite people who think the purpose of life is to be happy.

I know, I know, that sounds a little harsh.  I don't mean it to.  It's not that I'm adverse to happiness, I love it.  I seek it.  I hope for it.  I'm lucky enough to say I even find it quite a bit.  But I don't think it's my purpose in life.  I think my purpose in life is to leave things a little better than I found them (don't look at my kitchen right now).  I think my purpose in life is to be a true and honest and caring wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, neighbor, etc.

In some ways being relived of the need to be happy all the time makes life feel a little less stressful.  It allows me bad days, fat days, tired days, non days, and quiet still days.  All this said, however, I need to be careful to take a little extra time now and again to sit with the lighter side of life.  The slow mornings with PJ's on till noon.  The automatic setting on my coffee machine.  A Modern Family episode. A date night with my husband.  Aasta telling Jenna she loves her.  Jeans that fit.  You know, the really good stuff.

I feel like I have had some rough spots as of late and I want to give the crap it's due and I also want to remind myself to take some deep calming breaths now and again and get over it.  So I'm spending a moment with the lighter version of me.  The one that is about to crawl into bed and read a book with the word "hedgehog" in the title donning my granny glasses and some kick ass velour pants!

Irony?

My daughter is not what I would call a "champion sleeper." At some point between 1AM and 5AM we hear the pitter patter of tiny footsteps as she makes her way to our room.  She usually crawls in with us where she remains until morning.  Occasionally I wake up and put her back in her room but most nights I don't even realize she's made the transition until I wake up with her feet in my face.

The only real down side to this process is that I tend to be the one who winds up with the least amount of space in the bed.  Aasta somehow manages to either rotate so she is perpendicular to Mike and I or nuzzles up against me pushing me ever closer to the end of the bed.  As a result, I end up sleeping on my left arm to keep it from dangling off the bed.

Needless to say this isn't tenable over the long term.

Solution?  Buy a bigger bed.

So we did.

Our King arrived a few days ago and wouldn't you know it,  since then Aasta has decided to sleep through the night in her own bed...   *sigh*

To blog or not to blog, that is the question...

I have a question for all of you. Or maybe I have a whole bunch-o-questions.  


I need to get some feedback.  What does one write about in a blog?  I have used this blog primarily as a platform for my random thoughts about life, my occasional vents about parenting, and a way to espouse my general wisdom, or lack thereof. 


I've intentionally steered clear of topics like politics, religion (mostly), and other "hot topics."  But I'm beginning to feel like I haven't been altogether myself here.  After all, I have very strong opinions about, well...ok, about everything.  But  I've honestly been wary of branching out of what I consider to be relatively safe topics. 


The thing is even my safe topics have received some pushback.  Granted, not a lot, but what's that saying, "it takes seven compliments to negate one negative comment."?  I would argue it takes 477, but that's just me. 


So I've become skiddish, even disheartened by this whole blogging thing.  


So I'm bringing it out into the open.  How much do you share and how much don't you share?  In a day and age where we can actually subscribe to a video blog called Drunk Cooking do we worry about how we are perceived?  Do we share who we really are and risk making people who know us uncomfortable or do we stay safe and try to make everything sound like it's "ok." 


Why do you read blogs in the first place?  What are you looking for?  


I feel like I need to know.