Deep Breaths
Inhale...Exhale.
I realize it's easy to forget to breathe. Not completely forget, just not really be aware of breathing. I teeter these days always between wide ranges of emotions. I slip over to frustrated and angry much to often. Today is no exception. It's not a bad day, I'm not even really in a bad mood. I just flip to frustrated and pissy in the blink of an eye. I blame a lot of things of lack of sleep and I know that's part of it. But I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't something else going on. Have I lost touch with something? Have I forgotten something? I don't remember being this way.
I just spent an hour taking a lot of really deep breaths. I spent that hour thinking a lot about my anger and my hasty bitchiness. I have no answers, but I spent a lot of time breathing about it. That felt good. It felt good just to make it a full bodied experience. I think I need more than an hour though because as I was driving home I may have slipped some profanities at a guy who was driving in a matter not conducive to long-term survival. So I'm home again and breathing.
Does anyone else ever feel like they've changed so much they don't recognize themselves some days?
I realize it's easy to forget to breathe. Not completely forget, just not really be aware of breathing. I teeter these days always between wide ranges of emotions. I slip over to frustrated and angry much to often. Today is no exception. It's not a bad day, I'm not even really in a bad mood. I just flip to frustrated and pissy in the blink of an eye. I blame a lot of things of lack of sleep and I know that's part of it. But I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't something else going on. Have I lost touch with something? Have I forgotten something? I don't remember being this way.
I just spent an hour taking a lot of really deep breaths. I spent that hour thinking a lot about my anger and my hasty bitchiness. I have no answers, but I spent a lot of time breathing about it. That felt good. It felt good just to make it a full bodied experience. I think I need more than an hour though because as I was driving home I may have slipped some profanities at a guy who was driving in a matter not conducive to long-term survival. So I'm home again and breathing.
Does anyone else ever feel like they've changed so much they don't recognize themselves some days?
I appreciate your honestly. I feel like I'm just in survival mode most days. Keep taking those breathes and remember this too shall pass. Take delight in the little things in life, a cup of coffee, your beautiful babies smile, the list goes on and on. I hope you find some peace in the ciaos.
ReplyDeleteSara--I completely agree about forgetting to breathe. It's the oddest, yet easiest, thing to do. I find myself stopping after an hour and taking big breaths to regroup and calm myself. We take so much on without even realizing how it affects the simplest life form. Perhaps, instead of lowering a flag to half staff, government should just stop the clock and tell everyone to breathe deeply.
ReplyDeleteI don't recognize me...and I'm sure you wouldn't either (but we should get together, just to be sure :)). Just when you think you're over the "high need" stages with your little one, you realize those physical needs were the beginning..a teenage girl is a force to be reckoned with! With my baby in school now, too...yep, I don't know who I am. However, since I was never the "me" that I really thought I was capable of being, the possibilities are just that much more open (if I survive the teenage girl...and phase 2 teenage girl).
ReplyDeleteOh Maria,
ReplyDeleteI would love to see you!!!!! Tell me how!
I totally agree. I helped in a first grade class on monday and I was like grumpy. I adore children, all children (I adore mine most of course, and little Aasta of course) but I left and was like, 'who the hell was that?' I helped again on wednesday and it was much better. :-) But I totally get what you are saying. Love you! And my time with you in september I knew you were there ;-)
ReplyDelete